Building Student Relationships The Wrong Way

My website, www.newteacherhelp.com gives teachers free advice on how to run their classroom.  Here’s “Part 1” of a two-part article on establishing relationships with students.  Teaching is much easier if the students like you, and most teachers discover this very quickly (if they didn’t know it already).  Getting students to like you is a tricky proposition, because there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it.  Getting students to like you using the wrong methods will result in students liking you – but not respecting you.  You need both “like” and “respect” if you are going to run your classroom successfully.  Here are a few ways to get students to like you the “wrong” way…next week I’ll examine the “right” way to get students to like and respect you.

1.   Trying to be the “cool” teacher – Letting students use their cell phones/iPods in class, letting them use swear words, and ignoring other school policies is the wrong way to get students to like you.  If you choose to let students ignore certain rules in your classroom, they will be confused as to why you are a real stickler on other rules…like the rule against talking while the teacher is talking, or the rule about throwing objects in class.  Also, you will never be able to discipline disruptive students, because the students will tell their parents (or the administration), “Mr. Jones lets us cuss in class, but he had a problem with me getting out of my seat without permission?  He’s picking on me.”

2.   Grading “on a curve” – Nothing promotes hostility between students as much as the curve.  Overachieving students will receive negative peer pressure from other students, who would get a much higher grade if it weren’t for the “nerds”.  Hostility among students leads to numerous discipline problems, and teacher headaches.

3.   Playing favorites – You will soon realize that there are certain students who require more of your attention than others.    You will soon find out that there are students that you like better than others.  Ignore the temptation to treat these students differently.  When you do not treat students equitably, all students (even the “favorites”) lose respect for you.  Most teachers play favorites.  When students discover that you are different, your troubles will be significantly diminished.

4.   Giving students a “Free Day”.  Students will beg you to give them a Free Day…until they figure out that you will never give them a Free Day.  Once the word gets out that you are morally opposed to giving free days, the badgering will subside.  In contrast, once the word gets out that you are a Free Day Giver, the students will think that if they just ask you enough times, you’ll give in.  Another trap is the “Let us have a Free Day so we can catch up on all of our homework.”  Let me predict the future for you:  Very little homework will be done during your Free Day.

5.   Giving students cool nicknames – I had a student a few years ago that I got along with great!  We used to joke around with each other a bit, and one day I called him “Turtle Boy” when he came into my classroom with his bookbag jammed with books/binders/other stuff.  He loved his new nickname, sometimes announcing as he entered class, “Heeeeerrrrrreeessssss Turtle Boy!”  He would even sign his papers “Turtle Boy” when he handed them in.  Long story short….he acted up in class a couple of times, and I called his parents to ask their help in modifying Turtle Boy’s behavior.  His parents were disgusted with me, they said “How can you expect students to respect you when you don’t respect them?”  I said, “Wait just a minute!  I respect your son.”  They replied, “You show your respect for my son by belittling him and calling him names!  You call him Turtle Boy!”  That night a thousand thoughts ran through my head, I was going to prove those parents wrong!  I was going to dig through my papers and show them the ones where their son signed them “Turtle Boy”, I was going to produce witnesses who watched their son enter the room every day and proclaim “Heeeeerrrrrreeeesssss Turtle Boy!”…I was going to show THEM!  It was so obvious that he was using the nickname to get the focus off of his poor behavior.  At about 2:00 in the morning it hit me:  I shouldn’t have called him Turtle Boy in the first place.  I had put myself in an indefensible position.  I had compromised my professionalism to try to be the “cool” teacher.  I called Turtle Boy’s parents back, and apologized for my behavior.  I told them that a great compromise would be that I call their son by his given name, and he responds by not acting up in class.  They agreed to that, and we all lived happily ever after (until the end of the semester!)

Next week’s article will give you eight ways to earn the respect, trust, and admiration of your students.  For other free teacher tips and tricks, visit www.newteacherhelp.com today!!

Written by :

Shannon Holden